Too Young To Die

Today, I found out that yet another person not much older than me has died.  I don't know how, but I guarantee it wasn't anything self-inflicted.  I never knew her well.  Only hung out with her once or twice.  But, I am shaken by the death of yet another person who was just too young to die.

When I think about the number of young people who have died since high school, I am floored.  Some from drug overdoses and other bad decisions.  But, many from things completely beyond their control...plane crashes, brain aneurysms, car accidents, random illnesses.  I wish I could go back to a time when I never thought about death.  When I felt invincible.  When it was just something that wouldn't happen for many, many years.  But, now, I think of it as an inevitable conclusion that could take me at any moment.  And to say I am terrified would be an extreme understatement.

I'd love to believe in reincarnation.  That, while we may only have THIS one life, we will have others, with other purposes and experiences.  But, who knows.  It just doesn't seem logical.  All I can imagine is nothingness.  Forever.  At the same time, that doesn't really seem possible either.  I could get into a whole religious or existential discussion about it.  But, the bottom line is, we'll never know until we're there.

Sure, it's a reminder that life is fragile and precious.  It's a reason to live every day to the fullest and never waste time worrying or caring about things that just don't matter.  In that way, I'm trying to use it as motivation.  Ultimately, though, it's always fear.  It's the one obstacle I have no idea how to overcome.  I try to just not think about it.  But, I do too often.  And then I feel a pit in my stomach, a feeling like no other, an insurmountable fear.

For now, though, I'm here.  And I'm more than appreciative of every day I get to be.  Today, my thoughts are with the families and friends of everyone who lost someone just too young to die.