I hate when people in relationships say that Valentine's Day is stupid. Easy for you to say. For those of us who aren't in a relationship but want to be, it's just another painful reminder. A day of reading Facebook posts about how wonderful his girlfriend or her husband is. Of seeing pictures of flowers received and Valentine's dinners cooked. Of romantic movies on TV and love songs on the radio. My first inclination is to drink a bottle of wine to the head and hide under my covers. But, just like every other day, it's a battle. And I'm happy to say this battle was won. I write this sober and stable. I spent the day with a good friend, and the evening sleepily cuddled up with the dogs. No tears. No drunk texts. Although I do have an embarrassing confession: at one point today, I did look outside on my front porch hoping somehow flowers appeared from some secret admirer or friend who felt sorry for me. Lame, I know.
While I'd be lying if I said I was perfectly content, it could also be a lot worse. It has been a lot worse. And I am blessed to have love in my life, even if it's not romantic love. That's more than a lot of people in this world can say. If you haven't noticed by now, my goal is to continuously spew positivity (whether I believe it or not, honestly) in the hopes that I'll start to believe it. It's kind of working. But I'm human. So I save the negativity, the anger, the hurt for my personal journal. It needs to come out somewhere. I'm not promising that Bitter Betsy will never author one of these posts. But I'm trying to keep her at bay. After all, I don't want a pity party. I want to feel empowered, and I want others to be empowered by my struggle. I know I'm not alone. Lonely, yes. But alone, no. Although sometimes it's very difficult to tell the difference. So, now I'm tired. And I'm going to bed. Glad this day is over, but knowing that tomorrow will really be no different. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right?
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