Call Me Crazy

Definition of CRAZY

1

a :  full of cracks or flaws :  unsound <they were very crazy, wretched cabins — Charles Dickens>

b :  crooked, askew

2

a :  mad, insane <yelling like a crazy man>

b (1) :  impractical <a crazy plan> (2) :  erratic <crazydrivers>

c :  being out of the ordinary :  unusual <a taste for crazyhats>

3

a :  distracted with desire or excitement <a thrill-crazy mob>

b :  absurdly fond :  infatuated <he's crazy about the girl>

c :  passionately preoccupied :  obsessed <crazy about boats>

       (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/crazy) 

adjective, crazier, craziest.

1.

mentally deranged; demented; insane.

2.

senseless; impractical; totally unsound:

a crazy scheme.

(http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/crazy)

I've been doing a lot of thinking about the term "crazy" lately.  Particularly after reading the Elite Daily article (posted by Huffington Post) titled, "7 Reasons Why You Should Date Someone Who's Just a Little Bit 'Crazy,'" and being called "a nut" by a guy I'd never actually met.  Would I call myself "a little bit crazy"?  Absolutely.  Would I call myself "mentally deranged" or "demented"?  Hell no.  If we look at the definitions above, there's a lot of room for interpretation when it comes to this word.  I kind of like the first one, "full of cracks or flaws."  After all, one of my favorite quotes, from James Frey's A Million Little Pieces is, "Everything has a crack in it.  That's how the light gets in."  So, really, if I'm full of cracks, I also have the potential for more light, right?  My kind of crazy is kind of a combination of "passionately precoccupied" and "senseless."  My kind of crazy comes from a tendency to feel everything very intensely.  When I love, I love hard.  When I'm sad, my whole world closes in on me.  While this intensity can manifest as passion, affection, thoughtfulness, and dedication, it can also manifest as, well, crazy.  I might curse you out and tell you to never speak to me again even though I barely know you because you frustrate me and don't seem to get me.  Or, I may clean the house in a French maid's uniform and heels, then cook you dinner, and top it off with...dessert (wink, wink) because I know it will make you happy, even if I hate cleaning and cooking.  I might cry because you haven't responded to my text in over two hours, or I might greet you with the warmest smile and hug, go anywhere you want to go, watch any movie you want to see, and tell you how amazing you are.  Has my craziness caused problems in my relationships in the past?  Yup.  Is it preventing me from finding my next relationship?  Maybe.  But, it's me.  It's who I am.  Most of the time, it's harder on me than it could possibly be for my [potential] partner.  I haven't changed in 33 years, so I doubt I ever will.  It's not about trying to change myself, it's about finding someone with his own brand of crazy that meshes well with mine.  Rather than hate myself for it, I choose to embrace the crazy.  I hope you'll join me.  ;-)